Even Accomplished Actresses Like Ming‑Na Wen Have Mom Issues
By Yuki Shida
Therapist specializing in Asian American anxiety, trauma & EMDR
Do you ever find yourself thinking, “Well, once I complete [insert accomplishment here], then my mom will finally accept me and be proud of me.” Turns out that even huge celebrities experience that too!
Image by @veryasian.co via Instagram
Ming-Na Wen’s Vulnerable Post
Recently, Ming-Na Wen shared a deeply personal revelation: despite a career that many would call wildly successful, she still feels minimized by her mother’s words. Her post described how her 90-year-old mother continues to “insult” her achievements, leaving Ming-Na feeling “so small” even when she’s done so much. facebook.com
Media outlets picked up on her statement, noting that although Ming-Na Wen has celebrated roles and a decades-long career, the emotional wound from her mother’s hurtful comments still lingers. Lainey Gossip+1
What makes the story resonate especially for many of us is the contrast: outward success and recognition, inward relational wounds that won’t heal. It illustrates how the parent-child dynamic can carry unexpected weight, even when things appear “fine” on the surface.
Generational Trauma in Asian American Culture & the Parent-Child Dynamic
Ming-Na Wen’s experience opens a door into a broader conversation around generational and cultural dynamics within Asian American families.
The weight of high expectations
Many Asian American children grow up in cultures that emphasize achievement, respect for elders, and family reputation. Success feels like a must-have instead of a nice-to-have. Children of immigrants often feel like their survival depends on achieving success, and cannot imagine dealing with failure. Despite being a ground-breaking and talented actress, Ming-Na’s mother’s ongoing insults may make her feel like a vulnerable child, striving for their parent’s approval.
The legacy of intergenerational trauma
“Generational trauma” or “intergenerational trauma” refers to how emotional or psychological wounds of one generation can pass to the next—not necessarily through obvious events, but through patterns of relating, expectations, shame, and communication styles.
In many immigrant or refugee-background families, parents faced hardship, displacement, or cultural dislocation. These stories—even when not overtly discussed—shape how they parent, how they express approval (or disapproval), how they cope with emotions.
Though we may never know Ming-Na Wen’s mother’s story, there may be a multitude of factors such as trauma and emotional wounds which have impacted her relationships throughout generations.
How it shows up in parent-child dynamics
A child may win awards or reach milestones, yet still feel unrecognized by a parent.
Parental comments may dismiss achievements (“That’s nothing,” “You should’ve done more”), making the child feel doubtful of themselves.
The child may feel split: proud of their success, yet ashamed or guilty for not “fitting” their parent’s impossible expectations.
The parent might have difficulty offering explicit praise, warmth, or emotional vulnerability—perhaps because they grew up with trauma, shame, or a culture of stoicism.
Over time, these patterns can impact self-worth, trigger anxiety (“Will I ever be enough?”), or create relational distance.
In Ming-Na Wen’s case, her work and public success don’t protect her from the emotional sting of a parent’s remarks. That’s a powerful reminder: parent-child emotional wounds don’t care about titles or accolades.
How to Cope If You’re Suffering From Parent Wounds
If you recognize reflections of your own story in Ming-Na Wen’s vulnerability you’re absolutely not alone. Here are some therapeutic and practical steps you can take:
1. Recognize the wound
Acknowledge that the wound is still hurting, even if you’re an adult now.
Understand that the parent’s behavior is a reflection of their own limits; not on you or your worth.
Recognize that success in external domains doesn’t automatically heal internal emotional wounds.
2. Set boundaries and manage interactions
If certain comments or interactions from your parent trigger you, plan how you’ll respond (or choose not to respond).
You may limit the time you spend discussing achievement-related topics, or decide not to engage when you feel invalidated.
You can practice phrases such as: “I appreciate that you’re proud of me… right now I’m focusing on how I feel.” Or “I’d rather not talk about that right now.”
3. Re-parent yourself
Notice when your wounded self emerges and tend to them emotionally in a soothing, compassionate way.
Highlight the things about your identity that you wish you were recognized for.
Use mindfulness, journaling, or expressive therapy (like art or writing) to explore how your parent’s remarks made you feel, and how you want to feel instead.
4. Seek relational repair (if possible)
If you’re open to it, consider having a conversation with your parent about how their comments affect you.
Use “I-statements,” e.g., “When I hear comments like ___, I feel ___.”
Be realistic: repair might not look like a full apology or transformation—but even a conversation can bring clarity and change.
5. Work with a trauma-informed therapist
A therapist trained in trauma, attachment, and cultural contexts (especially Asian American) can help you unpack these parent wounds.
Therapies like EMDR (eye-movement desensitisation & reprocessing) can help with deep emotional triggers tied to parent-child dynamics.
You can work on: rewriting your internal narrative, strengthening self-worth, navigating generational expectations, and creating healthier relational patterns.
Final Thoughts…
The fact that THE Ming-Na Wen can still feel belittled by her mother’s words reminds us: parent wounds do not discriminate. Achievement doesn’t heal our wounds. Cultural pressures, generational trauma, and parent-child dynamics impact people of all walks of life.
If you’re reading this and recognizing parts of your story in hers, know this: you don’t have to face it alone. You can heal, grow, and reclaim your sense of worth.
Schedule a consultation with our therapists today to begin exploring your parent wounds, understand their roots, and take steps toward healing.
Written by Yuki Shida, MA, LMFT – Therapist specializing in Asian American anxiety, trauma and EMDR in Irvine, California.