When Going No Contact with Parents Is the Healthiest Choice: An Asian American Perspective
For many Asian Americans, family is sacred.
We’re raised with values like filial piety, loyalty, and self-sacrifice. Parents are often seen as authority figures who are to be respected without question. So what happens when that same family dynamic becomes a source of deep emotional pain or even trauma?
While not often talked about publicly, estrangement from parents—and even going no contact—is a reality for many Asian Americans. It's a painful, complex, and often deeply stigmatized decision. Yet, for some, it’s the healthiest path forward.
What Does “Going No Contact” Mean?
Going no contact means intentionally cutting off communication with a person—often as a form of self-protection. For some, it’s a last resort after years of emotional abuse, neglect, boundary violations, or trauma. It is never a decision made lightly, and it often comes after many attempts to set boundaries, seek understanding, or repair the relationship.
When is it ok to consider estrangement?
The reasons are personal, but some common themes include:
Emotional Abuse or Neglect: Parents who constantly belittle, criticize, or manipulate.
Unhealed Generational Trauma: Patterns of authoritarian parenting, silence around mental health, or unresolved trauma passed down.
Violation of Boundaries: Parents who don’t respect physical, emotional, or relational boundaries—even into adulthood.
Identity and Autonomy Conflicts: When a child’s career, sexuality, religion, or life choices are rejected outright.
Gaslighting or Denial: When experiences of harm are minimized or erased completely.
For Asian Americans, this decision is often complicated by cultural narratives that discourage "airing dirty laundry," and a deep fear of being seen as disrespectful, selfish, or disloyal.
The Grief No One Talks About
Going no contact can bring relief—but also guilt, grief, and loneliness. It may feel like a death with no funeral, no closure, and no understanding from others.
In therapy, clients often say:
“I feel like a bad daughter/son.”
“No one else in my community understands why I did this.”
“I’m grieving the parents I wish I had.”
It’s important to remember: grief and healing can coexist. You can mourn what you never received while still honoring the boundaries you need today.
Healing in the Absence of Contact
Estrangement doesn't end the emotional journey—it reshapes it. With support, you can:
Rebuild your sense of self, outside of family roles
Learn to trust your inner voice and needs
Create chosen family and safe community
Process complex emotions like guilt, anger, relief, or sadness
Reclaim your story—and rewrite what family means to you
You Are Not Alone
If you’re considering going no contact with your parents, or you’ve already taken that step, you deserve compassionate support that understands the cultural layers of your experience.
At our practice, we specialize in working with Asian American adults navigating estrangement, family trauma, and boundary-setting. We honor your story and support your healing—without shame or judgment.
Book a free 15-minute consultation with one of our therapists today. You don’t have to figure this out alone.